I Didn't Realize I Was Wounded

Until I Looked At Myself

There is an odd phenomenon of the human body. I discovered this one day at work while swapping parts in a server. I noticed a red splatter on the floor. Blood. Fresh blood. Well, that had to have come from me, so I looked at my hands. Sure enough, there was a nice clean slice in one of my fingers. I didn’t feel it when it happened, but it started hurting once I noticed it.

The same thing happened to me today. I finished putting together a piece of furniture. I happened to close my right hand and feel a strange texture. “That’s odd,” I thought. I looked at my hand. I had somehow gouged a few layers of skin right off. I didn’t feel it when it happened. It started throbbing when I noticed it.

This phenomenon doesn’t seem to be confined to the physical.

For years, I have been trapped in survival mode. I was functioning, but not resting. I was coping with my situation, but never healing. I have been through workplace trauma and serious medical issues. When I wasn’t paying attention, everything seemed fine. But in reality, fine was just “numb”. When I started acknowledging what I was going through, really looking at it, it hurt. It hurt a lot.

The thing is, if I hadn’t taken time to look at that bleeding finger or the gouge in my hand and acknowledge the wound, I would not have known to tend it, wrap it in a bandage, treat it. The same goes for the mental and emotional. Once I realized I was wounded, I treated it. I went to therapy, first time in my life, to heal my workplace trauma. What little I could control regarding my physical health, I did.

Ignoring a wound doesn’t make it go away, it just festers. Noticing a wound doesn’t create the pain, it reveals it. It hurts to look at, but it tells you what to do next… take care of yourself.